Hey Hey It’s The Usual Stuff

So it’s Day 1 of this Love Cleanse business, and I have to say…nothing of value has been lost. It’s kind of like going on a diet even though you’re already being fed intravenously (that means through a tube, for those of you youngsters who may read my blog. And go double check with your mom first that it’s cool for you to be on the internet. Sexual predators are on here.) The basis of the Love Cleanse is that you don’t date, flirt, get physical with anybody, cyberstalk, ruminate, and then rest, eat healthy, work out, and journal.  The hardest parts for me are not cyberstalking or ruminating. And maybe eat healthy, because I ate like two bowls of spaghetti tonight and now I hate myself.  Anyway, maybe the point isn’t in trying to fend off the droves of suitors (not) beating down my door, but in not going out there and looking for someone to distract  me from my broken heart. Healing is hard.

Today I shouted at myself in the mirror at least a dozen times, “YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL!” because I’m trying to convince myself that I do have a beautiful soul and that I love myself.  It’s also a Jesse McCartney song. I even took time to be like “Oh girl, your makeup looks great” and I also pretended to chastise myself for gawking at beautiful man taking out garbage today because if I looked too long he was probably going to fall in love with me.

To  make myself feel better about singledom, when I was driving down the road today I decided to make up some sort of bucket list of things to do before marriage and children that would help me have that sort of Eat, Pray Love experience that I’m dying to have (even though I haven’t actually read the book or seen the movie). I said “Amy, this is the time to do things that you’ll never be able to do when you’re married with children!” I came up with 1) Publish something (that doesn’t mean clicking the “publish” button on wordpress) 2) Go back to Europe and live or something 3) Start a band…or something…  but then I found myself listing things like “do illegal drugs” and “make love to a black man,” so I decided to stop making lists. Maybe “don’t get another cat” is a more realistic goal.

I have nothing left to say explicitly about myself, so I’ll just leave you with my other musings of the day:

• Getting engaged after getting pregnant just isn’t as sexy.  People don’t say “Aww, congrats!” because they’re really thinking ” ’bout damn time.”
• 30 Rock is a hilarious show and I’m going to add it to my Netflix queue.
• Will TI go back to prison?
• Has Taylor Swift ever been in love and had anybody love her back? If not, I wish she would shut the eff up because she’s giving me a lot of false hope about reconciliations after fights at 2:30 am.
• I’m a little like Kimmie Gibbler in that I make myself at home at other people’s houses. I raid the fridge and refuse to put shoes on. Thankfully no one asks me to leave.